Open Letter To My Child
Dear Son,
There have been a lot of stories lately about children who don't quite fit in, and for whom that situation becomes too much to bear. At some point in your life, you may find that you feel different from your friends in some way or ways that you do not fully understand, and that those feelings of "otherness" begin to lead to other feelings, more sinister feelings.
On the other hand, you may have a friend or friends who seem different from you in some way that you do not fully understand, and they may begin to feel as though their differences are somehow not acceptable.
In either case, I want you to grow up knowing a few things.
1. Being different is not only "okay," it is something to celebrate. If we were all completely the same, we would be very bored indeed. Whoever you are, you should simply strive to be the best version of "you" possible.
2. People who seem not to "fit in" sometimes just need someone to reach out to them to help them feel accepted. Regardless of what your friends might say or think, reach out to the kids who appear to be misfits. Your dad was one of them once, and some of the best people I know still consider themselves outsiders in one way or another.
3. You can learn something from everybody you meet. People who are going through different life-experiences from your own can offer you a different perspective. Soak it in.
4. We love who we love. No matter what the wide world around you tells you, love is a good thing. I advise you to always be open to love, and not to fear it, no matter what.
5. Your mom and dad will always love you, no matter what. We want you to be happy, we want you to be a good person, and we want you to be you. Beyond that, we don't really have any preferences as to what or who you become.
6. Don't judge people. It can be massively difficult at times, but resist the temptation to dismiss someone as wrong because they don't do things the way you do them. Instead, take the time to try and understand them, and if you still don't agree, that's okay. You can disagree and still respect, appreciate, and even love that person.
7. I don't like the word "never." Having said that, I want you to never feel that suicide is a viable option. I knew people who took their own lives. I know people who tried and survived. I imagine all of them felt, in that moment, that they truly had no other options available to them. You will always have options. No matter how grim your situation seems, no matter how radically different you may feel, or how badly you may be treated by those around you, you have options. Your mom and I will always do everything in our power to make sure you are safe, and that you know you are loved.
You are precious to us now, and become more so every minute.
My heart breaks for the children who felt they were so different, who were told they were so wrong, that they could no longer bear the pain, and felt they had no options. My heart breaks for their parents, their friends, their families... I hope that when you are older, and you read this, you understand why I wrote it. Some of those survivors I mentioned have brought joy to my life beyond measure, and their pain is beyond my comprehension. I am inspired by their stories, and honored by their love. I hope that with this letter, I can pass some of their love and joy along to you; I want nothing less for you than a rich, full life, in which you can spread that same love and joy to the world.
With love always and forever,
Dad
There have been a lot of stories lately about children who don't quite fit in, and for whom that situation becomes too much to bear. At some point in your life, you may find that you feel different from your friends in some way or ways that you do not fully understand, and that those feelings of "otherness" begin to lead to other feelings, more sinister feelings.
On the other hand, you may have a friend or friends who seem different from you in some way that you do not fully understand, and they may begin to feel as though their differences are somehow not acceptable.
In either case, I want you to grow up knowing a few things.
1. Being different is not only "okay," it is something to celebrate. If we were all completely the same, we would be very bored indeed. Whoever you are, you should simply strive to be the best version of "you" possible.
2. People who seem not to "fit in" sometimes just need someone to reach out to them to help them feel accepted. Regardless of what your friends might say or think, reach out to the kids who appear to be misfits. Your dad was one of them once, and some of the best people I know still consider themselves outsiders in one way or another.
3. You can learn something from everybody you meet. People who are going through different life-experiences from your own can offer you a different perspective. Soak it in.
4. We love who we love. No matter what the wide world around you tells you, love is a good thing. I advise you to always be open to love, and not to fear it, no matter what.
5. Your mom and dad will always love you, no matter what. We want you to be happy, we want you to be a good person, and we want you to be you. Beyond that, we don't really have any preferences as to what or who you become.
6. Don't judge people. It can be massively difficult at times, but resist the temptation to dismiss someone as wrong because they don't do things the way you do them. Instead, take the time to try and understand them, and if you still don't agree, that's okay. You can disagree and still respect, appreciate, and even love that person.
7. I don't like the word "never." Having said that, I want you to never feel that suicide is a viable option. I knew people who took their own lives. I know people who tried and survived. I imagine all of them felt, in that moment, that they truly had no other options available to them. You will always have options. No matter how grim your situation seems, no matter how radically different you may feel, or how badly you may be treated by those around you, you have options. Your mom and I will always do everything in our power to make sure you are safe, and that you know you are loved.
You are precious to us now, and become more so every minute.
My heart breaks for the children who felt they were so different, who were told they were so wrong, that they could no longer bear the pain, and felt they had no options. My heart breaks for their parents, their friends, their families... I hope that when you are older, and you read this, you understand why I wrote it. Some of those survivors I mentioned have brought joy to my life beyond measure, and their pain is beyond my comprehension. I am inspired by their stories, and honored by their love. I hope that with this letter, I can pass some of their love and joy along to you; I want nothing less for you than a rich, full life, in which you can spread that same love and joy to the world.
With love always and forever,
Dad
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