Asymmetry

I have a theory about relationships.  It goes something like this: Most, if not all relationship problems can be traced to one root issue, which I have dubbed asymmetric expectations.

Let's take as an example two people who seem to like each other very much.  They share many common interests, they bond over shared experiences, and they generally seem to be headed in the same direction.  As a result, they choose to commit themselves to one-another.  Perhaps they marry, or it could be something less formal.  In any case, they have made a decision based on their previous experience of one-another to share their lives in some sense.  Each of these people bring a set of expectations to the relationship with regard to how each will be expected to behave in various situations, each will bring expectations about how certain decisions will be made, and each will bring expectations for the other with regard to the other's needs and ability to meet their own needs.  

When these expectations don't match in some respect, that is when they are asymmetrical, problems arise.  If husband expects wife to respond to a situation in one way and she does not, there will likely be some sort of friction.  Likewise, if girlfriend expects husband to meet a certain need which he is either unwilling or unable to meet, girlfriend is likely to be less satisfied than she otherwise should be.

It is my contention that when relationships of any sort, whether romantic or not, encounter difficulties it is because of these asymmetric expectations.  This phenomena should be familiar to anyone who has either been a boss or had a boss.  Perhaps people don't think about their relationship to their boss (or employee) in interpersonal terms, but the problem of asymmetric expectations is still pertinent.  I don't feel that I need to expand on this particular example, as the idea of a boss expecting a certain level of performance and an employee expecting to be rewarded a certain way, and neither being happy with the other's expectation is probably painfully recognizable.

The past few days have exposed a potential asymmetric expectations situation in my own life.  I have no intention of sharing the specifics for any number of reasons.  Suffice to say that my low mood tonight is largely due to this realization.  Thankfully, I should be able to rectify the situation by adjusting my own expectations accordingly.